Parenting – The Family Duels

Lockdown lethargy has peaked –
Lisa: Go and brush your teeth.
Isla: What? All of them?

Lisa: (After yelling at the kids) Did that sound harsh?
John: Depends on what rank of Commandant you were going for.

Lisa: We’re doing a Graffiti Art class when we go to Liverpool.
Eva: That’s good, it’s the only rebellious skill I haven’t mastered yet.
John: What? Which ones are you already confident in?
Eva: None (points out of the window) Is that a badger?

Isla: What’s for dinner?
Lisa: Chicken Jambalaya.
Isla: Ok. I’ll make it, as long as I only have to use the ingredients I like (reads the recipe).
Lisa: So?
Isla: We’re having grilled chicken.

Lisa: I can’t bear seeing your sister’s bedroom in that state!
Eva: I can help with that.
Lisa: Oh, thank you. That’s kind.
Eva: ( Shuts Isla’s bedroom door) There.

Lisa: What are you doing with my handbag?
Isla: I’m doing a rubbing of the leather texture for Art.
Lisa: Put that back, it was expensive. You can use your dad’s forehead.

Isla: Daddy, can I use your credit card to get this book on my Kindle? I’m on the ‘Buy now or else’ bit.
John: It doesn’t say ‘or else’.
Isla: It does to me.

Glad I installed Life360 to track where the kids are. Sometimes Eva moves from one side of the sofa to the other without checking in.

Home-school has taken an unexpected turn –
Isla: I’ve finished my Art. Do you want to see some frottage?

We’re at the –
Kids: Can we cut our own hair?
Lisa: Yeah, why not?
Stage of lockdown.

Lisa: The trainers I got in the sale have arrived! They’re fashionable, aren’t they?
Eva: For you. Yes.

(Watching an advert for The Repair Shop)
John: You should put your broken tumble dryer on there.
Lisa: MY tumble dryer?
John: (Panic in his voice) Quick, Eva, say something wrong!