Tag: Marriage

Lisa: Next year it will be 25 years since we met. We should do something special if…
John: We’re still together?
Lisa: I was going to say, if we win the lottery.

Lisa: (After yelling at the kids) Did that sound harsh?
John: Depends on what rank of Commandant you were going for.

(Lisa has such a problem recognising faces, John has asked her never to do a Police identity parade)
Lisa: We saw Ronnie Wood at the theatre bar last night.
John: Are you sure it wasn’t Dot Cotton?
Lisa: It wasn’t me who recognised him.
John: Ah, we’re ok then.

Lisa: In this romantic book, the husband describes his wife as a piano. What instrument would I be?
John: A scalpel.
Lisa: No, which musical instrument?
John: Ah. Bagpipes.

Lisa: Is it noisier now I’m back home?
John: Put it this way, if you were a cat, you wouldn’t need a bell on your collar.

We’ve lived in this house for 18 years –
John: What does this control panel behind the door do?
Lisa: Seriously? It’s for the heating and hot water.
John: It’s probably the only thing in this house without my DNA on it, not even from my eyes.

(Watching an advert for The Repair Shop)
John: You should put your broken tumble dryer on there.
Lisa: MY tumble dryer?
John: (Panic in his voice) Quick, Eva, say something wrong!

Lisa: Don’t tie the handles of the wardrobe together!
John: But the door keeps popping open.
Lisa: We won’t be able to get in it.
John: That’s ok, I don’t wear clothes anymore.

John’s worked from home so long, he’s forgotten what normal people wear

Me: You can’t go out in that state! I have standards.
John: So do I; they’re just very low.

We had a lovely time drawing self portraits last night and John admired the girls’ work this morning.

Me: What do you think of mine?
John: It’s really good. It captures your essence.
Me: Really? Isla said I’d made myself look old and grumpy.
John: That’s what I just said.