humour – Page 2 – The Family Duels

Glad I installed Life360 to track where the kids are. Sometimes Eva moves from one side of the sofa to the other without checking in.

We’ve lived in this house for 18 years –
John: What does this control panel behind the door do?
Lisa: Seriously? It’s for the heating and hot water.
John: It’s probably the only thing in this house without my DNA on it, not even from my eyes.

Home-school has taken an unexpected turn –
Isla: I’ve finished my Art. Do you want to see some frottage?

We’re at the –
Kids: Can we cut our own hair?
Lisa: Yeah, why not?
Stage of lockdown.

John: You know the world’s gone mad when you can only visit the rubbish tip ‘By Appointment’.

Lisa: The trainers I got in the sale have arrived! They’re fashionable, aren’t they?
Eva: For you. Yes.

(Watching an advert for The Repair Shop)
John: You should put your broken tumble dryer on there.
Lisa: MY tumble dryer?
John: (Panic in his voice) Quick, Eva, say something wrong!

Lisa: Get on with tidying your bedroom. At this rate it will take you days!
Eva: And that’s a problem because…?

She makes a good point.

Bad news: The drawstring on my exercise joggers has come out.
Good news: That’s OK, because I’m never going to need to tighten them again.

John: Tuesday – the day excitement and anxiety levels peak. I have to try to work out which bins the Council are taking!

Lisa: The microwave’s blown up.
Eva: I’ll have to warm soup in a pan, like it’s the olden days! That’s sweet.
Lisa: And wash up afterwards.
Eva: Urgh. I’m not a fan of retro living anymore.

Lisa: Is all your washing in the basket?
Eva: (Snorts) Washing?

She’s gone feral.