Family Life – The Family Duels

Lockdown lethargy has peaked –
Lisa: Go and brush your teeth.
Isla: What? All of them?

Lisa: (After yelling at the kids) Did that sound harsh?
John: Depends on what rank of Commandant you were going for.

Isla: What’s for dinner?
Lisa: Chicken Jambalaya.
Isla: Ok. I’ll make it, as long as I only have to use the ingredients I like (reads the recipe).
Lisa: So?
Isla: We’re having grilled chicken.

What do my freezer and my wardrobe have in common?
They’re both full but I can’t find anything I like inside.

Lisa: What are you doing with my handbag?
Isla: I’m doing a rubbing of the leather texture for Art.
Lisa: Put that back, it was expensive. You can use your dad’s forehead.

We’ve lived in this house for 18 years –
John: What does this control panel behind the door do?
Lisa: Seriously? It’s for the heating and hot water.
John: It’s probably the only thing in this house without my DNA on it, not even from my eyes.

Home-school has taken an unexpected turn –
Isla: I’ve finished my Art. Do you want to see some frottage?

John: You know the world’s gone mad when you can only visit the rubbish tip ‘By Appointment’.

Bad news: The drawstring on my exercise joggers has come out.
Good news: That’s OK, because I’m never going to need to tighten them again.

John: Tuesday – the day excitement and anxiety levels peak. I have to try to work out which bins the Council are taking!

We’re learning a lot about each other in lockdown-
Me: Argh, I’ve burnt my toast.
Isla: Feed it to Daddy. There’s nothing that man won’t eat.

We are at the –
Me: Does anyone want a bath?
Everyone: I’ll have one tomorrow.
Stage of lockdown.