Author: Lisa Timoney

Lisa: The microwave’s blown up.
Eva: I’ll have to warm soup in a pan, like it’s the olden days! That’s sweet.
Lisa: And wash up afterwards.
Eva: Urgh. I’m not a fan of retro living anymore.

Lisa: Please clear your stuff out of the conservatory. I can’t even get through the door.
Isla: Do what I do, just treat it like a fun little obstacle course.

Lisa: Don’t tie the handles of the wardrobe together!
John: But the door keeps popping open.
Lisa: We won’t be able to get in it.
John: That’s ok, I don’t wear clothes anymore.

We’re learning a lot about each other in lockdown-
Me: Argh, I’ve burnt my toast.
Isla: Feed it to Daddy. There’s nothing that man won’t eat.

Isla: Bullying is different at Grammar School. At my old school people picked on you for having the wrong trainers. Today a boy sneered at me for not knowing all my Roman Numerals.

John’s worked from home so long, he’s forgotten what normal people wear

Me: You can’t go out in that state! I have standards.
John: So do I; they’re just very low.

We are at the –
Me: Does anyone want a bath?
Everyone: I’ll have one tomorrow.
Stage of lockdown.

Me: Do you like my photo of a fluffy dandelion?
Isla: Yes. What did you wish for?
Me: I think we’re all wishing for the same thing at the moment.
Isla: You want a pet unicorn too?

Me: (Watching Isla’s shocking table manners) Why can’t you eat like a civilised human?
Isla: Because you said I should never pretend to be someone I’m not.

Nothing dramatic about anyone in this house

Me: Why were you late to school this morning?
Eva: I don’t know what happened. My alarm went off, then I must’ve blacked out.
Me: I think the phrase is, ‘went back to sleep’.